March

I feel like I've been dreading this month for so long... it's here now, I cant change it I just have to put my big girl panties on and get through it.

For most people March means spring is near... for me it's a month of sadness.

March 7th will mark 1 year since we had to put down my kitty Princess. I cant even wrap my head around the fact that shes been gone for a year. She was a member of our family for 8 years and I think about her almost daily. I am so grateful to still have my Buster Boy to love, but even after a year, our home feels so empty to me.

March is also the month that I should be holding a new baby in my arms. Before the miscarriage my calculating put my due date as March 11th. We have been trying for another, but for some reason it's just not happening. I am so happy with my life, with my amazing husband and my beautiful daughter... they fill my life with so much love and happiness, but for as long as I can remember I've always wanted to have 2 or 3. I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan for us... I just wish that his plan was the same as mine.

For now I will take it one day at a time. I will have some really bad days this month, days that I just just want to stay in bed, and days that I will cry way too much, but I will do my best to to remember all the good things I have in my life. My husband and amazing daughter, my family and friends who I love so much, a beautiful home that is filled with everything we need, a job that I love with coworkers that drive me crazy and love me no matter what and all the little things that make my life wonderful!! I will count my blessings daily and patiently wait for April :)

Kalyns Birthday Party

We celebrated Kalyns birthday at our house on September 29th with about 40 of our friends and family. The weather was perfect, the food was good and there was lots of fun to be had! Kalyn chose The Lion King as her theme and it was a whole lot harder to put together than I thought it would be. Apparently older movies aren't very popular. I was able to find some cute ideas and supplies online thank goodness. A good time was had by all.

"Kalyn is Three" Simba kiss stickers

                                                     The bounce house was a HUGE hit!

                 The little birthday princess and one of her favorite friends Lennon in the background

                                                      Lennon playing pin the tail on Simba!

 I searched high and low for a Lion King cake, with no success... I finally bought the characters online and took them to Olesons... the baker lady did a fantastic job putting the cake together!

                                                            Lion paw print cookies!

                                           Kalyn getting ready to take a swing at the pinata

                                                                        The loot!

                                                                    Our little family!

Kalyn got a ton fantastic gifts!

Kalyn and daddy in the bounce house after everyone left!

All in all it was an amazing day for an amazing little girl! We love you so much Kalyn Jo and hope you know what a great little lady you are!



Kalyn Turns 3

I cant even believe my little love is 3 already! Time really does fly.

September 26th started out with me waking her up. I had to work at 9:30, so when 9:00 rolled around  and she was still sleeping, I decided that I should wake her up so I could see her for a couple minutes before I left. I let her open one gift since it was her birthday - She got the Little Mermaid Disney figurines and loved them!! 

I went to work and Kalyn stayed home with grandpa. When Curtis and I got home we had dinner together and had birthday cupcakes! Kalyn got to open one more gift after dinner... she got a new Doc McStuffins toy and of course loved that too! We decided to go outside since it was such a beautiful day and let Kalyn ride in her jeep. She rode around the yard a little and then we decided to take a stroll around the block.

Kalyn was shocked when I told her she could drive it on the rode (she knows that shes not allowed to drive in the rode) I made sure she knew the rule was that if I told her to stop or she saw a car that meant STOP! And stop she did every time she was supposed to!

The next morning was her 3 year check-up. They wanted a urine sample so she had to pee in a bowl, I was a little worried that she wouldn't do it for me, but she did! She wanted to carry it to the car (which I said no to) She wanted to hold it in the car (which I again said no to) She wanted to carry it inside the office (again it was a no) and finally when the nurse was ready to take it, she wanted to go with her to test it (this time the nurse was the one to say no) Basically my kid is very protective of her pee :) 

They pricked her thumb and drew some blood and she didn't even flinch. They asked all the required questions, did a physical exam and when they were done, Doc said she's doing very well.

Weight: 29.1 lbs (30th percentile)

Height: 36 1/8" (30th percentile)

Overall shes perfect and we wouldn't change her for the world!

.

I never thought these words would be mine... but they are. I had a miscarriage.
Tuesday night I went to the ER a little after 11:00 pm. When I went to the bathroom there was some blood, so I immediately got in the car. I told Curtis to stay home with Kalyn and keep his phone near, that I would call him with an update. I also told my mom and Tim to stay home, but they didn't listen.
They drew some blood, took a urine sample and made me wait forever. They finally took me for an ultrasound around 1:00 am. I knew what I was looking for... all I wanted to see was that little heartbeat, but I didn't. I didn't see movement... I didn't even see a baby.
They sent me back to my room without saying much and again I waited to hear the results (which I already knew) I knew that I was miscarrying, but I couldn't wrap my head around that fact that I didn't see a baby in that ultrasound. Around 2 am thay came in and confirmed that I was having a miscarriage. I had an appt scheduled the next morning for our first ultrasound with the OB, so they called my doc and he said he still wanted to see me.
I slept for a couple hours and got up yesterday to go to the doctor. He told us that he has seen the ultrasound and explained to Curtis and I what had happened. He said that there were some chromosone issues, my eggs and Curtis' sperm didn't mesh well together so a fetus never even formed. The sac that holds the fetus was there and had grown, but nothing else did. He said this is VERY common and with most miscarriages there is never a fetus. In cases like this when a fetus does form and is carried full term, you end up with downs syndrome. It's not anything I did, or didn't do, it's just plain bad luck.
As strange as it seems I was actually happy to hear that there was never a fetus. I fetus to me means life and spirit, I was so sad to know that a spirit had chosen our family and was never given the opportunity to be with us on earth. So that fact that there wasn't relieved me. 
I am feeling very blessed today. There are so many women who go through this over and over again and never get the child they yearn for... Curtis and I however have been blessed with a happy, healthy, beautifully perfect little girl and she is all we really need. I know that my heavenly father has a plan for our family and if it includes another little life to love I would be over the moon... if not that's okay too. For now, this little ham will get to keep us all to herself...

Kalyns new bed

A little over a month ago we decided it was time for Kalyn to move out of her crib. I decided to skip the toddler bed and go straight to a twin to save money and I thought it would be easy to find a used one online.

I was wrong. Apparently I'm too picky.

For the time being we took the front railing off her crib and she slept in that until I found the right bed.

The first couple nights she fell out and woke up on the floor crying. On the 3rd or 4th night I could hear her whimpering, but I could tell she was still asleep. When I went into her room, I almost stepped on her head. She was sleeping on the floor in the middle of the room. After the 5th night, everything was smooth sailing.

After a week or so in her converted crib I found the perfect bed and dresser and bought them. Problem was they were going to take a month to get in.

While we waited I found a twin mattress set on craigslist for $50 and it was like brand new! SCORE!!! We took the crib down and put the mattresses on the floor. She loved sleeping in what she called her "gib birl" bed.

Last week her new bed came in and we were all so excited to put it together. Kalyn helped put the screws in the holes and even helped daddy with the drill.

When it was finally put together and made she had so much fun jumping on it and climbing on and off of it. Shes been sleeping in what she now calls her "new gib birl bed" for about a week and we all love it!

I cant believe how fast my baby is growing. As much as I love all the new things shes learning and all the new stages... I want her to stay little forever.

Hawaii

At the end of February we took the trip of a lifetime to Oahu Hawaii with Aunt Marlena and Aunt Ruth. Before I forget anything, I thought I would post some pictures and memories.

Kalyn was an absolute champ on the plane ride there. We had been talking about this trip for weeks before we left in the hopes that she would be excited and not scared to fly. Well she LOVED it! When we were getting ready for takeoff we all buckled our seat belts and Kalyn announced "Ready for blastoff!" We "blasted" off and it was smooth sailing from there. She took a great nap on the way there and played quietly the rest of the flight. She fell asleep towards the end of our flight, but woke up in time to land in Hawaii. It was almost 11pm when we got in so we didn't really get to see anything until the next morning.

Our first day there was spent at the pool and walking to the ocean (it was only 2 blocks from our hotel) so we could dip our toes in the Pacific. Kalyn absolutely LOVED the pool and HATED the ocean. Aunt Marlena bought Curtis a boogie board, it was expensive to rent them and she figured this way he could use it everyday if he wanted. He loved watching and learning from the locals and by the end of the week was almost a pro.

 The second day there we walked to International Market to do some shopping and sightseeing. There was an amazing Koi pond at the market with tons of Koi. It was beautiful! There were also birds that hung out there and we were able to get close enough that we could almost touch them.
That afternoon Curtis and Aunt Ruth left before us so they could get back to the hotel. The did a helicopter tour of the island and loved it. Aunt Marlena, Kalyn and I went back to the pool and played there while they were gone. When they got back we looked at pictures and the video from the helicopter ride. It was pretty cool to see the island from the sky.

That night we walked back down to an all you can eat prime rib and crab leg buffet. Kalyn tried crab legs for the first time and LOVED it. I don't like seafood so I'm glad that Curtis does and that hes introducing Kalyn to it. Kalyn stuffed herself on crab legs, shrimp, salad, fruit and ice cream and when she was done she fell asleep listening to the live music that was playing.

 Pearl Harbor was so amazing!! I learned so much that day! The USS Arizona memorial was fantastic. Such an important part of our history and it was so peaceful there. I thought it was going to be a tough day for Kalyn but she was perfect the whole time.

 I REALLY wanted to visit the zoo while we there, it was only 2 blocks from our hotel and I knew Kalyn would love it.
That morning Curtis, Aunt Marlena, and Aunt Ruth went and did the Atlantis Submarine tour. Kalyn was too small to do it, so we hung out at the hotel and took a nap while they went. When the got back Curtis and I took Kalyn to the zoo. There were tons of beautiful animals and plants to see, but at the end of the day Kalyn told us the peacock was her favorite. Really? Not the tiger? Or Elephant? Or Lions? Or even the Giraffe? Nope! The peacock that we really only saw in passing. They had a little playground at the zoo so Curtis took Kalyn to play while I did some shopping at the gift shop.

On our way back from the zoo it started to sprinkle a little and then the wind really picked up. It started to rain a little harder so Kalyn and I picked up the pace so we could get back before it got really bad. Curtis stayed behind to try and catch some pictures of ocean and the gigantic waves that the wind was making.

Our last full day in Hawaii was my FAVORITE!! We Hopped the bus that morning and headed along the North Shore to the Polynesian Cultural Center. It was so awesome!! We got to meet and learn about the 7 cultures of Polynesia. Hawaii, Samoa, New Zealand, Fiji, Tahiti, Marquesas and Tonga. There was a canoe pageant, a canoe ride, dancing, family activities, a luau and a fabulous show at the end of the night. Ha, breath of life! It was so interesting to learn about all the different tribes, to see their dances, to listen to their songs and to just take it all in. I found Kalyn and Curtis matching outfits at the International Market, and they wore them that day. SO CUTE!! Curtis learned to Hula, Kalyn played the bamboo sticks and we all danced and sang. PCC is run mostly by students attending BYU Hawaii. It helps cover the cost of their tuition and all of the students who help run it, "work" in their native culture. So when you're visiting Tonga, you're learning about their culture from people born in Tonga. It was pretty impressive. I cant for the life of me remember out tour guides name, but he was a sophomore at BYU Hawaii and was waiting for his mission call to arrive any time. He was such a great guy!
I really wanted to see the Laie temple while I was there. There were 2 buses that went there between dinner and the evening show, so my plan was to go visit the Temple while the others shopped at the gift store, but I missed both buses. If we ever make it back, I WILL make it a priority!

The day we went home our flight didn't leave until 8 pm, so we had a little bit of time to do one more thing. When we were planing our trip my "Hawaii bucket list" was to go to Pearl Harbor, PCC and to climb Diamond Head. I had done everything except Diamond Head. Kalyn stayed with Marlena and Ruth so Curtis and I could rent mopeds and drive to the mountain. We took the short scooter ride and headed up the mountain. It was only like 3/4 mile, but it was the hardest 3/4 mile of my life. Curtis was so good at keeping me motivated when I wanted to quit and when we finally made it to the top it was SO WORTH IT!! The view was amazing and I was so proud of myself. We stopped at the International Market on the way back to hotel for some last minute souvenirs and headed back to the hotel to get packed up.

The flight home was a good one, we got stuck in Dallas for a little before heading to Chicago and out parents were worried we would be able to get back to Traverse because they were having a snow storm, but we made it.

I'm so glad we were able to go. Even if Kalyn doesn't remember the trip when shes older, we always have our memories so we can tell her about it and of course we have amazing photos to show her. Thank You Aunt Marlena and Aunt Ruth for taking us!! We are so grateful.